It doesn’t matter what other people think about your body. It matters how you think about it, talk to it, and feel inside it.
This is the second time I’ve lost more than 100 pounds. The first time was from a place of anger, self-hatred, and body shaming. Even at my smallest I was miserable, agonizing over everything I didn’t have and everything I thought I wasn’t. I exercised too much, ate too little, and drove myself to an eating disorder. After undiagnosed lipedema made each of those pounds come back, I had a reckoning with myself. I didn’t want to wake up every day the rest of my life hating myself and feeling like a failure. No one deserves that.
With the help of a good mental health therapist and a lot of body positive books, I did things differently the second time. I threw out my scale, cut out everything and everyone who made me feel “less than”, and focused on myself. What if I stopped trying to lose weight? After a year of this work, I started realizing my worth and beauty had nothing to do with size. That’s when the universe dropped the word “lipedema” in my lap. I started to support my lymphatic system and started shedding pounds like magic, even after nothing else had worked. For the first time I feel awake, alive, and bursting with light.
I’m smaller now, but I might get bigger again later. I’m at peace with that because I’m so in love with the person my body carries around, no matter its size.
Receive Sturdy Woman Updates:
Today’s Music Monday pick is “Rise” by the Lost Frequencies. It has me dancing, running, and celebrating everything that has happened since my lipedema diagnosis. It’s been an uphill battle but, wow, the view is amazing. Sturdy readers, join me and be the lightning.
Ain’t no way I’m stopping nowLost Frequencies “Rise”
Gonna make my way right through the clouds
I’m going to break my teeth and bear the pain
Gonna climb this mountain once again
I’m feeling stronger than I’ve been
I’ll weather the storm, weather the rain
I am the lightning